KI TAYTSAY -NESUIN

 June 22, 1993

"When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out in battle, neither shall he be charged with any business; he shall be free for his house one year, and shall cheer his wife whom he has taken."  Deuteronomy 23:5

The Gemorra in Mesechet Kedushin says that marriage involves two distinct steps.  The first part, called Kedushin or Erusin, is where the man does a kinyan issur, an acquisition of the right that excludes all other men from cohabiting with the woman.  She is now off-limits to other men.  If another man would cohabit with her at this point, both that man and the woman would be liable to the death penalty.  The man accomplishes Kedushin by giving the woman money, a document, or having relations with her ­and she has to be agreeable to this arrangement, there has to be a meeting of the minds.  The second stage of marriage is called Nesuin, and is where the man leads the woman into his house to begin the actual marriage - where he becomes obligated to fill her needs in terms of food, clothing, and relations.  This is also called 'chupa', because we often symbolize this stage by a woman coming under the man's canopy.

The question arises as to what exactly is Nesuin?  Why is it symbolized by Chupah?  Is it a new aspect of acquisition?  What is going on in Nesuin?

We can see that in a sense, during Nesuin the man is bringing the woman into his own reshus, his own domain. Possibly by understanding another act of transfer from one domain to another we can better understand Nesuin.  Another place in Hallacha where this happens is Hotzaah, carrying from a public domain to a private domain or vice versa, on Shabbos.  Such carrying is the 39th of the 39 'labors' of Shabbos.  It is not an easy melacha to understand, and is called by Tosfos a melacha 'gruah', a light melacha because it is not easy to understand the change made to the object, the 'work' being done, the creative activity.

There are, however, several cases in Hallacha where an important distinction can be made between an object that is in a public or a private domain.  For example, if an object is lost and the former owner gives up hope of finding the object again (is meyayish), then if the object is in a public domain the object becomes 'hefker', ownerless, and any person can pick it up and acquire it. However if such an ownerless object happens to be in a private domain, the object is immediately acquired by the owner of that domain.  A similar example regards a convert that has no children.  A convert is considered a person with no antecedents, no parents, and no siblings, and if he dies with no children, all his possessions become ownerless.  If these are in a public domain, anyone can acquire them.  But if they are in a private domain, they instantly become acquired by the owner of that private domain.

The reason for this seems clear.  A man's home is his castle, it is his 'reshus', and he has supervision over what goes on there.  This entails responsibilities and privileges.  Reshus literally means 'permission', and if I'm in someones's private reshus, I have to ask his permission before using what is under his supervision.  An example of responsibility is that if someone slips in a hole in a private domain, the owner of that domain is responsible, even in English law, but if the hole was in a public domain, no individual is held responsible.

Therefore, we can see there is a concept of Hashgacha - supervision, and Shmirah - watching, that goes hand in hand with the concept of a private domain.  An object in a private domain can never become hefker, it is always under someone's watchful eye, while an object in a public domain always runs the risk of becoming hefker, because there is no owner of the property who takes ultimate responsibility.

This helps us see what the melacha, the labor, of carrying entails.  The moving of an object from a public to a private domain or vice versa is to change the nature of supervision of the object, and such Hashgachah is a very important change in the status of the object.  In a metaphorical sense, the sin of the meraglim, the spies, was that they didn't feel Hashem's Hashgachah.  And then when they were punished and wanted to conquer the land of Israel to make amends, Moshe said that the Hashgachah had been removed and again they didn't notice.  To be sensitive to the presence or absence of Hashgacha, supervision, is very important.  And to change the Hashgacha of an object by moving it from a public to a private domain or the other way around is a major change in the object's status, and that may be the essence of the labor of carrying on Shabbos.  That affects the object in a very real way.

A correllary of such a change in domain is seen in Messechet Baba Metzia that involves a person buying wheat from another person where the wheat remains for the time being in the former owner's attic.  The former owner instantly becomes a Shomer Chinum, an uncompensated guard, simply because the purchased goods remains in his private domain.  The concern in that Gemorrah is what happens if there is a fire in that attic, because a Shomer Chinum is not responsible for events like fires, and we are afraid he will not try to save the wheat.  Therefore we say that that the purchase is really not complete until the wheat is transferred to the domain of the purchaser.  We see clearly that the kinyan, the acquirement of an object requires two stages: the purchase, and then the transfer of the object into the domain of the purchaser.  And the reason is that we want the purchase to be considered final only when the person who has supervision responsibility of the object is the purchaser himself.

It is interesting to note that the name Mishkan comes from the lower-most tapestry covering of the roof of the Mishkan.  Similarly, the name Succah comes from the word Schach that makes up the roof.  Therefore, the roof of these structures symbolizes that this is Hashem's house, Hashem's reshus, and that we should feel there his divine Hashgachah.

It is also interesting to note that an object that represents Hashgacha for us and is at the intersection of a public and private domain is the Mezuzah.

And now we may be able to return to the issue of Nesuin with a better understanding of what is going on in that process.  When a man makes Nesuin, his act is the statement that he is now willing to take over the supervision, the Hashgacha, for the woman, by bringing her into his private domain.  Now he is in charge of satisfying her needs. She is transferred either from her father's domain if she is under 12 and 1/2, or from her own domain.  Now when she is cold or hungry, it is the husband's responsiblity to take care of her because she is in his domain.  His bringing her into the Chupah is the act that brings her into his private domain.  With Kedushin he had made a kinyan in her, but only when he brings her into his domain and accepts the added responsibilites and supervision that involve a private domain is the marriage complete.  And this makes a great deal of sense, considering that only when a husband is ready to support a family should the marriage fully commence.

These themes are beautifully summarized in the brocha we say after the Shema for Maariv in the evening.  It says: "Spread over us the shelter of your peace... Shield us...and in the shadow of Your wings shelter us - for G-d Who protects and rescues us are You. Safeguard our going and coming... Blessed are You, ...,Who protects His people Israel forever."

The word for spread, 'porase', is the same word used by the Gemorra when referring to the husband spreading his chupah over the wife to make Nesuin. The shelter of the Almighty is called a Succah.  And the word 'shomer' appears twice in this brocha.